Can You Hear Me Now?
by Miss-Savvi
Summary: He reached for the church door, sprawled on the filthy steps, blood dripping down his legs and his head spinning from lack of more drugs. Jizabel collapsed. His voice was a choked whisper as his eyes slid closed and he barely said, "someone save me..."
1. Someone Save Me

This is only going to be a two chapter story and then I'm right back to writing my other stories. Yup. Okay, let's get started with a few brief notes:

1. Based kinda on the song "Heaven Help Us" by My Chemical Romance. Frickin' brilliant.

2. Assume that Cassandra is some weirdo…probably because he is…ok, it's heavily implied in more that one scene. He hires a boy prostitute. Ok?

3. I guess it's a bit of an alternate ending for Jizabel too…you'll see what I mean.

Hear the sound

The angels come screaming down

Your voice, I hear you've

Been bleeding.

Make your choice. They say you've been

Pleading.

Someone save me.

Heaven help us now

For once, he wanted to live. In fact, Jizabel Disraeli never had truly wanted to die.

And now, as he pulled himself from the filthy streets of London, onto the steps of the church only one word came to mind: escape.

True, his father had beat him before. He'd taken his freedom long ago, and he knew that he was trapped in a war that he cold not win. But the pain he was feeling right now was far worse than that of a whip cracking down on his scarred back. This time, things had gone too far.

"The cardmaster _ordered _him to give me support."

That man had literally _sold _him to Cassandra. Now…this what it had come to. Bleeding on the steps of the cathedral, choking back vomit, vision fading in and out, and his arms shaking, reaching up to pull himself to salvation.

Blood was dripping down the back of the young doctor's legs. His wrists were cut and torn from those nights spent in _that_ man's clutches. Each movement sent pain shooting through his body, and more crimson liquid slithered down his thighs, staining the white fabric a sickly shade of crimson.

Slowly, agonizingly, he dragged himself to the heavy wooden door that was opened a crack. _Thank god it's dark out…_he thought to himself as he reached for the handle, barely being able to rise to his knees to do so. More pain.

He collapsed, unable to take any more. His body wouldn't obey him. The lack of the drugs Cassandra had been 'experimenting' on him with made it impossible to control his movements. A small cry escaped his throat and he curled to the ground. Jizabel prayed.

"please…save me…God…" thunder rumbling in the distance was the only response. Rain began to pour from the sky. Jizabel fought to keep his eyes open, because he knew that closing them meant that he may not ever wake up.

"Please…someone…save me…!" his voice was louder this time, and laced with anger. This time, everything was silent.

Once more tried to stand, only to fall back to the ground. More blood coated his legs, and his arms ached. Fists collided with the cobblestone in frustration. It was too late.

Was this how he was going to die? Alone? Covered in blood and rain?

Another wave of fear passed over him. He resisted falling into complete nothingness. It was nothing short of a miracle that he was able to escape when he did. He hadn't been able to avoid the inevitable session with Cassandra that night, but somehow, though usually after he could hardly stand, he'd managed to slip away, and _run_ to the front gate. Somehow from there he was able to walk the streets until he arrived at the church, where he collapsed.

If he would have waited another night…he knew that he'd be dead.

Vomit rose in his throat. Jizabel swallowed hard, almost becoming sick where he lay. It was no use. He had collapsed only inches from the door, gasping for air.

He was never particularly healthy to begin with, and his lungs felt like they would burst at any second.

It was the drugs. Cassandra had always enjoyed them. It was how he kept power over the younger man. Jizabel knew that he needed another dose. Soon. His body would go into shock otherwise. He _needed _more.

His eyes slid open and closed slowly, but somehow he found the strength to reach out and push the door open. Somehow he managed to drag himself into the church, and somehow still he managed to pull himself onto the nearest pew. That was all, though. He could feel life slipping through his hands.

"Someone…save…me…" this time, when he closed his eyes, they did not open again. It hurt to breath. As he thought he was gone, the church door opened once again. Someone walked inside. Jizabel let out another small cry. He knew who it was, and braced himself for the worse. His eyes screwed shut as he waited for either his father or Cassandra to discover him lying there.

Whoever was there with him bent down a few steps into the room, probably seeing the blood on the floor.

"…why?" he bit his lower lip, eyes still tightly closed. The person stood next to him, and he could feel cold hands on his neck as whoever it was touched his jaw line softly, probably feeling for a pulse, he thought. Jizabel braced for an impact of a whip across his back, or Cassandra grabbing his shoulder.

That never happened though.

Instead, he felt two small arms lift him from the bench with incredible strength. Maybe it was an angel after all? Maybe he was already gone.

The sharp pain below his hips reminded him otherwise.

He buried his head in the person's chest, grasping his arm tight. He prayed that he would be safe now.

He recognized the arms that were holding him, but couldn't remember from where. Then, as the person who held him walked out of the church, it hit him.

"Cassian…?" his voice was barely a whisper. The other man held him tighter in confirmation.

"Yes."

"Why did you come back for me?" he'd been in Cassandra's grasp for about a month now, and since the head priest had told Cassian to leave, he hadn't returned.

"because you asked me to."

Jizabel almost smiled.

_Someone heard me after all…_


	2. So I'm Burning

He was walking down a dark corridor, but his feet did not touch ground. Tangled hair shielded his vision, and screams echoed from inside the walls on either side of him. Jizabel reached his arms out forward in an attempt to direct himself, but there was nothing in front of him, and nothing behind him; only darkness. Porcelain fingers slid through the tangled locks of silvery hair as he brushed the strands from his face. The breath caught in his throat, although he wasn't breathing, as he touched his face. Blood. Blood was dripping from his eyes, staining his hair and skin. He looked back, and felt something clawing at his ankles. _Human hands._ Flames too licked at his feet. Perhaps he was already gone, and this was hell. This was the end. Still, he panicked, clawing back at the hands that were trying to pull him downward into the inferno below.

_It's your turn to die, Jizabel…_it was his sister's voices, cold and bitter. _You stole our lives, and now you must die._ He shook his head, fighting back futilely. He cried out, but there was no sound.

_It's your turn to die. _His mother's voice this time.

_After all…I know everything about you…everything. _Cassandra.

"I don't want to die!" as he fought to turn around and run the opposite direction, he felt an earsplitting crack of a whip fall on his back. He stumbled, though he was never really walking or running to begin with.

_Have you been a good boy, Jizabel? _This was his father's voice. Another crack of the whip ripped open the scars on his back.

"I'm sorry!" this _was _ the end. His father grabbed his arms, pulling him into inescapable darkness.

_It's too late now. Did you really think you were loved? _

Then, everything stopped. The voices were gone, and he was alone, unmoving in the darkness again. More tears of blood, and cries that wouldn't be heard. Someone reached out from in front of him, brushing the hair from his eyes, and grasping his hands.

_Escape._

Amethyst eyes shot open. The room was almost dark, except the dim candlelight dispersing from the far corner. The sheets he was under were soaked with sweat, and flecks of dried blood. A nauseas feeling rose in Jizabel's throat, and this time he actually did get sick in a conveniently placed bucked next to his bedside. The room smelt of must and smoke. And vomit.

Blood, and bile fluid were matted into his ash blond hair, tangling the strands beyond all help. It didn't matter though. He was still alive.

The door to the room opened, and someone stepped in. Jizabel let out a small whimper, curling up a little under the sheets, and relaxing a little when he realized that it was Cassian.

"Cas-Cassian?" his voice was dry and raw from being sick, and he suspected that he'd vomited more than just once when he was asleep. He doubled over coughing, feeling blood spray the back of his throat as he did.

He needed more of the drugs. He'd die otherwise.

Cassian dropped to his knees, carefully rubbing the younger man's back. The coughing silenced, and Jizabel fell back against the mattress.

"I found you at the church a few nights ago. You've been passed out since them, and I think you've been having nightmares because you talk in your sleep." He explained quickly, pulling his hand from the doctor's back when Jizabel winced. The younger man nodded, rising from the pillow.

"I need…I need more, Cassian. I need-,"

"More what, doctor?" Jizabel began to shake.

"Cassandra…he…" he couldn't speak for a moment, and his head was spinning.

"Doctor," Cassian turned to face Jizabel, looking him in the eyes. "Listen…what did he give you?" Jizabel thought a moment, then shook his head.

"I'm not sure…I-, I don't know." He closed his eyes again, and slipped into unconsciousness.

For a second time, Jizabel awoke in the same room, and for a second time became sick. It was his body rejecting whatever Cassian had force fed or given him to drink, but it was also washing the substance Cassandra had given him out of his system. Afterward, he felt a little better. Cassian was still there, sitting beside him.

"You passed out again." He noted.

"I know." Normally, it wasn't his personality to accept, or even ask for help, but it this state, he couldn't exactly deny it.

Suddenly, Cassian reached out, lifting up Jizabel's chin with his hand. The man in front of him didn't even look like he was alive. His eyes were already dead. His usually beautifully pale skin had a sickly tint of grey to it, and so did his hair. The once ash blond strands were caked with blood and vomit.

"We should get you cleaned up." Jizabel nodded weakly, pushing back the sheets. His legs were still stained red, and he ran his fingers through his hair. It was beyond all hope to try and comb it out. "there's some water in the basin over there." Cassian pointed to a small metal wash bin in the corner of the room. "I tried to keep it as warm as I could, but it's probably cold right now."

"It's alright…" Cassian frowned a little, standing up.

"Can you walk?"

"I think so." Jizabel tried to stand, and his knees buckled. The pain below his hips had subsided a bit, but not much. Still, he managed to walk across the room and collapse to his knees next to the water. His mind was still fading in and out.

"Let's see if we can't clean your hair." The older man tried to smile, but his eyes fell to the dried blood that still coated the back of the young doctor's legs, and he felt himself getting sick.

After nearly an hour of Cassian pouring water over the other man's head, and working the tangles out of his hair, Jizabel finally spoke.

"Forget it, Cassian. Just…just cut it if you have to." His voice was low.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, just…yes I'm sure!" he was starting to sound more like himself now. Cassian sighed, retrieving a scissors from somewhere in the room. He didn't want to have to cut off Jizabel's beautiful ashy hair, but if the doctor insisted he do so then he had no choice.

"Ok. I'll cut off as little as I can." Jizabel didn't say anything. "I'm sorry…"

A few minutes later, Jizabel's appearance had changed drastically. Instead of his usual waist-length hair, it'd been reduced to strands that were a few centimeters below his shoulders. "Well…I did the best I could…sorry I couldn't save more, doctor…" he whispered as the younger man ran his fingers through it.

"It's fine."

Jizabel had gone a few hours without being sick, but that meant next to nothing. Silence settled over them, and Cassian looked sadly at his "superior", who turned away. Finally he spoke,

"Doctor…would you mind if-, well would you mind if I cleaned those cuts on your back and legs…? They'll get infected if they're not already. Jizabel nodded again. He was being surprisingly compliant.

Cassian ran the washcloth down the younger man's back, cleaning out the dirt and grime from the deep wounds. He didn't want to work his way downwards. He wished to remain ignorant o what the head priest, of what Cassandra had done to him. Still, he had to help. He _had_ to do something.

Blood washed away in a pinkish hue as Cassian scrubbed it off his legs, and from between his thighs. Jizabel would wince every once in a while, and finally, when the ordeal was over, and Cassian handed him a cleaner pair or pants to wear, he heard a soft noise. The other man was actually _crying_.

"What's wrong…doctor?" Jizabel's hands balled into fists as he gripped the sheets, and buried his head in the pillow. He may have _looked_ better, but on the inside, there were scars that couldn't be healed. Not now. Not ever. Cassian rested a hand on the edge of the mattress and rubbed the other man's back again with the opposite one. Jizabel's body trembled beneath him.

This was not living. This was fear and loneliness. Not living. Finally, his body stopped shaking, and he breathed almost steadily. Jizabel had fallen asleep. Cassian looked over him for a few moments, wondering how long he could hide in an abandoned building and how long he had to convince Jizabel that he would be saved. He could escape.


	3. I Can't Tell if I've Been Breathing

This was _supposed_ to be a two chapter story, but me, as the author of this FAN FICTION…not the real story, thought that I could go a bit further with this than I'd planned.

Gunshots sounded outside of the abandoned building that Cassian and Jizabel had been hiding in the past five days. It was a miracle that they hadn't been discovered yet, especially with all the criminals and even a few agents of DELILAH that wandered the streets. Cassian wasn't complaining, although in the back of his mind he knew that the longer they stayed… he didn't want to think about what would happen when Jizabel returned.

It wasn't as if the doctor was doing any better. He still would have violent spasms on a daily basis, and break down crying, begging for more of the substance that Cassandra had forced upon him, starting the addiction. He wouldn't speak, and if Cassian asked him a question he'd respond in one word answers. That's was how the morning started:

The younger man's body shook violently, and he let out a small cry. He didn't know where he was, or that he'd been there for over three days. He didn't know that Cassian was there watching as he broke down, still shaking.

_More. I need more…_

It was odd. Sometimes he could go hours and once even a day without withdrawal symptoms, and he was able to think clearly. Other times, Cassian had to hold him down to keep him from shaking. This was one of those times.

Jizabel fell to the ground on his hands and knees, clenching his fists until his fingernails dug into his palms, and bit his lower lip until blood trickled down his chin, dripping on the wooden floor. Cassian dropped down beside him, grasping the younger man by the shoulders, and holding him tight to stop the small convulsions.

"doctor, look at me…doctor, calm down, please!" he shouted, then quickly lowered his voice in fear of being discovered. His voice lowered,

"Jizabel…please…calm down…please…" he tilted the man's head upwards. Jizabel looked away from him. The small stream of blood had dried on his skin. Small shudders still made their way up his spine and a few tears slipped from his eyes. Those eyes still held some life in them, somewhere, Cassian knew that he could still be saved. Somehow. Someday.

Silence settled over them, and Cassian let go of the other man. Jizabel began to catch his breath slowly. There was a soft 'thud' as he tried to stand, but only collapsed again. Cassian caught him.

Next to Jizabel, there was no comparison. He was…beautiful. Fragile, and broken, but still beautiful. And Cassian…Cassian just looked like a child. He couldn't save anyone.


	4. Spitting Out the Blood and Screaming

When Cassian woke up, the doctor was gone. No note. No explanation. No reason. Just…gone. There were no signs of a struggle, or that he was taken against his will. The only sign that he was missing were the wrinkled sheets on his bed.

Cassian's breath caught in his throat, and he sprinted for the door. He couldn't be gone. Did he just _leave? _Was he taken away by Ida, or Alexis…or…Cassandra? The thoughts of that man's hands on him once more sickened Cassian.

_"The cardmaster ordered him to give me support."_

Cassian clenched his fists, exiting the deteriorated building. Then, he ran. He ran back to Delilah's headquarters; back to hell to save his fallen angel.

"I'm surprised that you would cut your hair, Jizabel? After all, you've insisted all these years that it be kept long. So you run away for four days and come back, and it's all gone." Alexis smiled, running his fingers through the shoulder-length strands of ashen blond before cracking the whip down his son's back.

"Why did you run away, Jizabel?" another earsplitting crack. "Was Cassandra's company not to your liking? Did he not treat you well?" The young doctor didn't respond. He was used to this. When this happen, when these 'punishments' happened, he brought himself mentally back to a happier place. The woods. Nature. Animals. Friends. Even now, as new scars were being made over the old ones that hadn't healed, he was numb.

Snark. Nature. Friends. Sisters. Mother. Father. Family. Happiness. _Warmth_. Cassian.

"I gave you direct instructions and you went against them, that is why you are being punished." The words fell on his ears, but he didn't hear them. Jizabel was too busy trying to recall what had happened the last few days that got him here.

He remembered bleeding on the church steps. Pleading for help. Crawling to one of the pews to lay down and die. Two arms warming him…then things started to turn black.

_"Why did you come back for me?"_

_"Because you asked me to."_

Those were Cassian's words. Weren't they? Another crack split his thoughts.

Yes. Those are defiantly Cassian's words.

"You're going to go back to head priest Cassandra's mansion once more, Jizabel. Do you understand?" There was a 'thud' as the whip dropped to the floor, still covered in blood. "Jizabel?" it was no use. Jizabel closed his eyes, and his breathing slowed. This was the end, he couldn't live like this. He couldn't live in Cassandra's hands again. Trapped in his grasp, poisoned by his voice, violated by his touch.

His body fell to the floor softly. Alexis smiled.

"Ida. Take him to the infirmary and get him fixed up." Ida nodded, roughly scooping the young doctor from the ground, staining her arms with blood in the process.

"What shall I tell Head Priest Cassandra, Cardmaster?" he thought a moment, then replied,

"Tell him that his _pet_ will be back in a few days." She nodded, and hastily walked out the door.


	5. Would You Pray For Me?

A/N- I feel kinda bad ruining Jizabel's life like this…but at the same time I love it! Does that make me evil? I think I have problems. Heh, yeah probably. Ah, yes, chapter 5-

Words like violence

Break the silence

Come crashing in

Into my little world

Painful to me

Pierce right through me

Can't you understand?

An out of place blade of sunlight sliced through the dark room. Jizabel tried to sit up, forgetting the new, and freshly torn old scars on his back. Pain shot through him, and he fell back against the pillow again with a soft 'thud'. He was at one of the hospitals that was under the direct control of Delilah. This was pathetic. He was a doctor, he should be working here. He shouldn't the patient that was lying on the bed. Waiting. That's all it was. Waiting for the morning, the day after, and the inevitable day when he sent back to Cassandra. It was like waiting to die.

X X X

Small feet hit the cobblestone street at an alarmingly fast pace. His lungs ached for air, but Cassian didn't stop. He wanted to find Jizabel. He _needed _to.

_How could he just leave? I saved his __**life**__and he just leaves? It doesn't make sense…It just doesn't make sense._

Twice he almost slipped, only to catch his balance on a lamp post and a sturdy brick wall. Running would be easier if it wasn't raining out. Third time's a charm- with a quick misstep, Cassian wound up sprawled on the ground, scooping himself up from the grime. A long scrape ran down his leg. Cassian sucked in a deep breath, stood up shakily and kept going. Each step he could feel the blood from the scrape run down his ankle. Still, he ran. This time, he wouldn't lose Jizabel. This time things would be different.

X X X

A ghostly glow lit the room as Jizabel climbed out of the hospital bed. Someone had dressed him in grey cotton pants, and a button up cotton shirt. He didn't like the thought that someone had changed his clothes without his permission. A slight wind blew in from the open window behind his bed. Other than a bed, an oil lamp on a nightstand next to it, and a small chair in the corner, the room was empty. It was simple, separate him from other patients and no one would know he was there, and no one would know when he left. Know one would have to find out where he was going, or what would happened when he got there. But he knew.

Jizabel played out the whole situation in his mind.

X X X

_Why did you run away, little Jizabel? _His voice made the doctor sick to his stomach. Jizabel pulled away, but Cassandra's grasp around his wrist tightened until he winced in pain. _Do you not like me? Are you afraid of me, perhaps?_ Cassandra smelled like tobacco and expensive wine as his mouth got dangerously close to Jizabel's. _You know what I think?_ His mouth pressed against the younger man's without consent, causing Jizabel to choke on the taste of his saliva. He pinned the doctor against the wall, roughly, almost slamming the back of his head against the bricks. Jizabel cringed as the older man continued to press their lips together, he even dared to shove his tongue into the doctor's mouth. He gagged a bit, and Cassandra stopped, only to whisper into his ear. _I think you like this._ One of the many maids in Cassandra's mansion passed by, pretending that she didn't see her master violating the other man. _Why else would you come back to me? _There was silence or a moment, and Jizabel was praying to god that his body wouldn't betray him and do anything to confirm Cassandra's beliefs. It wasn't true. He didn't like being hit, or kissed, or whipped…or raped. Still, he couldn't stop his heart from beating faster, or his body turning hot while the other man licked and nipped at the pale skin of his neck.

Cassandra skillfully kissed the younger man, moving toward the door to the nearest room, which just happened to be one of the guest rooms. He fell through the doorway, collapsing to the ground, where Cassandra grabbed his collar, pulling him up to his shaky legs. He pulled a small vile from his pocket, grasping Jizabel's chin in his hand, pouring the disgusting drug down his throat.


	6. I Hear You've Been Bleeding

_I'll give you all the nails you'll need_

_Cover me in gasoline_

_Wipe away these tears of blood again_

_And the punch line to the joke is asking_

_Someone save us_

And that's exactly how it would happen. The worst part was that he couldn't do anything to stop it. Only endure. Endure the pain and feeling of disgust. Unless Cassian-. No, Cassian wasn't going to come rescue him. Jizabel couldn't even recall what had actually happened and what was only an illusion. He ran a hand through his shortened hair, reminding him that Cassian really _had _been there. Jizabel's chest tightened. Slowly, he sat back down on the hospital bed. Then, he cried.

He cried because he was confused, because he didn't know dreams and nightmares from reality anymore. He cried because he didn't know if Cassian ever had rescued him, or if he had only imagined it. He cried because he knew that it was hopeless. His father _enjoyed _watching him suffer, almost as much as Cassandra enjoyed making him suffer. The worst part was the one sidedness of it all. Cassandra would violate _him, _not the other way around… and yet Jizabel was the one being called a whore and disgusting. That's all he was. Not a person, because people had free will. He didn't have that anymore. He was just a disgusting puppet.

Slowly, he slid back under the covers, wiping away the tears that stung his eyes, knowing that these may be the last few hours of 'peace' that he'd get in a while.

_Heaven help us now_

_Come crashing down_

_We hear the sound _

_As you fall_

X X X

Cassian couldn't run anymore. It wasn't an exaggeration to say that he'd been sprinting all over London for the better part of the night. There was no way that he would let Cassandra touch Jizabel. Not now, and not ever again. He would do next to anything to stop that from happening. Cassian had already saved his "superior" once, and he _would _do it again, even if it killed him.

X X X

The first hints of sunrise were hovering on the horizon when Jizabel woke up again. He felt sick to his stomach. How long had he been at the hospital? A day? More? Time was impossible to comprehend now, every day was just _waiting _for the inevitable.

There was a sharp knock on the door. Jizabel flinched, somehow finding the strength to get out of bed and answer it. _Maybe _it was Cassian. Maybe… just maybe he'd managed to find him again…then again…maybe not.

"Well, well, well…" he knew that voice. Oh god, he knew it all too well. "I heard that you had fallen quite ill now, _doctor_." Cassandra. Jizabel looked away. He blinked, hoping that it was all a dream, when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder, he realised that it wasn't.

"Relax. You shouldn't be so tense if you're not feeling well." Jizabel turned away to go lie back down, but the Head Priest grabbed his hand, yanking him back. "I warn you now, _Jizabel_, you try another stunt like the one you pulled a week ago, and I _will_ make your life a living hell." His words were clear and left no room for argument. "Do not underestimate me. I've been kind up until now. Do you honestly think that anyone else would treat such a disgusting person as well as I treat you?" He flinched again as Cassandra's mouth got dangerously close to his ear. "What do you think the Cardmaster would do if you were to run away again." Jizabel's eyes widened. "He may not be as forgiving…in fact…I've already heard that he's considering expelling you from the organization." _No…_ Jizabel thought. _Father…you wouldn't do that, would you…?_ "where would you go then. A whore like you…you'd end up on the streets. Or…perhaps you think that that little assistant of your would take you in…?" again, Jizabel's chest tightened, and he felt himself getting dizzy. Another craving for the drug was going to happen.

_Not now…please…not now…_

He couldn't stop it, though. His arms and legs began to tremble and soon he'd collapsed to the floor. He felt his body begin to convulse, but soon it stopped. Cassandra had grabbed him by the back of his head, yanking him back by his hair.

"I already told you. You could die if you don't get this." He held out a needle, as opposed to the usual bottle he used. "The best thing about using a needle is that it works so much _faster _than just swallowing it…I may consider giving some to you, but what would _I _get out of the deal, hmmm?" Jizabel shook his head, though his vision was still clouded. Addiction had completely filled his head, and he figured that he'd already been injected with it once when he was unconscious.

There was no point in fighting it. He knew what Cassandra wanted. He wanted what he always did. Finally, Jizabel spoke, though his voice was raspy and tired,

"Ok…I'll…I'll do whatever you ask…Cassandra…" The priest smiled sickeningly, pushing Jizabel's head down until he knelt on the ground. "Keep it down and no one will find us, alright?" The doctor nodded, closing his eyes and unbuttoning the other man's pants slowly...

"Now you're being a good boy, _Jizabel_." He hissed, roughly shoving the needle into the younger man's neck. Jizabel winced, almost choking on the other man's _taste_. The small comfort that the situation offered was that he probably wouldn't remember much of this in the morning.

After, when Cassandra was through, he spoke coldly.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it…?" Jizabel shook his head. "It could have been far worse…but I won't push you, since you're sick…I do expect that you show up to my mansion by next week…after all," he smiled, pulling the doctor into a rough kiss. "we have _so _much to catch up on, Jizabel." He left, slamming the door behind him. Jizabel began to shake. "I'll put in a good word for you with the cardmaster, and perhaps he'll allow you to stay…as long as you continue to follow my orders…just remember…you're nothing without me."

It was foolish to hope that Cassian would come back for him. No one loved him. His mother was dead, his father had sold him…and Cassian…well…how could Cassian love someone as disgusting as he had become. Doing anything to or for that man just to get one more dose. How could Cassian even think about saving him again when he didn't want to save himself anymore?

_And would you pray for me?_

_(You don't know a thing about my sins_

_how the misery begins)_

_Or make a saint of me?_

_(You don't know)  
(So I'm burning, I'm burning)  
And will you lay for me?  
(You don't know a thing about my sins)  
(How the misery begins)_

**So sorry that took forever to update. Ugh, I've just been so busy lately. Okay, that's kind of a lie. I just have had major writers block. Ick, and you have no idea how hard it is to write about Cassandra violating Jizabel. Eww eww eww.**


	7. They Say You've Been Pleading

Hello I am back! Thanks for continuing to review everyone! I just want to clarify a few things before we start:

1. I really like the song "Heaven Help Us" by My Chemical Romance. That's where the lyrics are from just so you know.

2. In case you couldn't tell, this story doesn't really go through what actually happens in the books. I mean, obviously Cassandra doesn't keep Jizabel as his drug pet. So it's the same characters in an alternate side story. I also thought that Jizabel was a bit younger in this story, like, say 22 or 23.

3. I wanted to use the more vulnerable side of the doctor in this story. I tried to keep him as much like himself in that perspective.

4. I accidentally sliced my finger open this morning and it was bleeding everywhere and it was all gross and there was blood everywhere and- ok…calm down, Savvi… What I'm getting at is that my typing finger is injured so I can't really feel anything when I'm typing so if there are more spelling errors or mistakes than usual sorry I can't really tell what keys I'm hitting.

________________________________________________________________________

"Here we are, sir. It was The Gladstone estate you was goin' to, wasn'it?" Jizabel nodded as the cab door opened. He looked away from the carriage driver as he handed him a few crumpled notes.

"Thank you very much, sir!" the driver exclaimed, and the doctor realised that he had probably handed the man a substantial amount more than the fare actually was. Still, he didn't care. It's not like it was _his _money. "Have a nice day." The sound of horse hoofs beating on the ground echoed, until they'd faded away.

For a long while, he stood in front of the demon's house, staring, waiting. Was he really going to go back _there_. The iron gate creaked as he leaned against it, turning his back on Cassandra's mansion, and his inevitable fate.

He should have known better than to think that Cassian would come back for him after everything he'd done. Cassian had saved him when he tried to escape, and he just left in the middle of the night a few days later. No one had come looking for him, no one cared…but somehow, he thought that if he went back things would have changed. He left the person who had tried to help him out of his own free will because…

Because…he didn't know why…

_What have I done? I could have escaped…why…why did I come back here? Back to this place, back to Cassandra, and father? Everything could have been alright-_

Jizabel stopped himself mid thought. Nothing in his life ever turned out "alright".

Thunder rumbled low in the distance as an ominous warning. He chocked back tears, and buried his head in his hands. He had a chance to be "free" or as close to it as he ever could be, and he lost it.

Then, there was another noise. But this time, it wasn't the thunder. It was footsteps. Jizabel didn't want to look up, he already had an idea of who it was. Cassandra. They got closer, until the young doctor could feel Cassandra crouch down beside him and grab his wrists

He squeezed his eyes shut.

...but the grip was soft, and gentle…and it was then that he realised; it wasn't Cassandra. No. It wasn't Cassandra, or Alexis, or Ida…

"Cas-…Cassian…?"


	8. One Life

I'm being incredibly distracted at the moment. There's a show on TV about World War 2 I think, and it's supposed to be funny but all it is are a bunch of people yelling at each other in terrible Italian and German accents. Horrible, really… I was looking up online about fan fiction for some reason (I didn't know what AU stood for…yes, I'm dumb as we've established…) and I found out that technically it's illegal to use lyrics in fan fiction. Oh well! Everyone else does, and I'm giving credit to the band. That brings me to say that the lyrics in here are from the song "My Cold Dead Hands" by My Chemical Romance. It reminded me of Jizabel. I couldn't actually FIND the song, but I looked up the lyrics….they're AMAZING!

_We all re-adjust from your tastes.  
Slipping forward so we feel graced.  
This passage that I've misplaced.  
Merely existing to stay the same.  
Just take this to the extent in which you are living the "morally predictable" way_

Cassian's hands were warm against his skin. _Why would you come back? _Jizabel thought to himself as his assistant knelt next to him, small hands softly touching his neck. He instinctively moved closer to the gentle touch, a small cry escaping his lips in the process. He wanted to speak, to ask questions, to cry and just be held all at the same time. All he could do was sit there, silently.

"Doctor…" finally Cassian spoke. "…are you alright…?" _I am now…but how did you know I was here…?_ Jizabel nodded, feeling tears build up behind his eyes, and he covered Cassian's hand in his own, pulling himself closer to him.

"Why…did you come back…?" he spoke those words again. The same ones that he had when he awoke for the first time two weeks back.

"Because you asked me to." The same reply…but the voice was different than he recalled. More distant…

Something wasn't right.

Jizabel lifted his gaze to the man's in front of him. No one was there. He touched his neck, but there was no sign that anyone had ever been there. Blackness was closing in around him again, but this time there was no comfort. No one to help him.

_Hoping, reaching for blank salvation,  
Every second, every hour, of every single day._

A dream. It had only been a dream…but how much of it was? Jizabel scanned his surroundings, his head ached terribly. He ran a hand through his hair in thought, but quickly pulled it away after feeling something wet touch his fingertips. He didn't need to be told what it was, he already knew: blood. He stared at his fingertips in horror, trying despretly to recall what had happened.

He'd arrived at Cassandra's house with no sign of the owner when he got there, got "settled" into his bedroom (if you could call it "settled"), took a small nap, went to dinner and then…the front door opened. Jizabel ran to his room in some attempt to escape, but it was too late. As soon as he reached the top of the spiraling staircase, Cassandra was there waiting for him and then…

_"I see you've decided to come back, Jizabel." Cassandra smiled. "We really do have…so much to catch up on." It had finally come down to the inevitable for real. Jizabel glanced away from Cassandra's gaze which seemed to have grown stronger since the last time that he'd been trapped in his chambers. This time was definitely going to be worse than the last encounter at the hospital. "Where would you like to start?"_

_Was he actually asking Jizabel what he wanted to do? __**I'd like to leave now, actually…**__ he thought silently to himself, almost smirking in amusement. _

_Before he could react, Cassandra had him pinned on the bed, straddling his hips, wrists held above his head. Jizabel closed his eyes, and prayed that this was all a dream; a nightmare. _

_Warm lips pressed against his with bruising force. It wasn't a good kind of warmth, though. No, it was forceful and bitter. Jizabel turned away, but a hand grabbed his chin, making him accept the kiss…if one could call it that. He almost gagged as the other man slipped his tongue into Jizabel's mouth. Their bodies pressed closer together, and Jizabel struggled underneath the other man. It was becoming clear that he wasn't going to escape._

_He tried to stop himself from crying out, but he did. Once. When Cassandra grabbed him by the back of the head, yanking him up by his hair._

_"I never asked you at the hospital…but why is it that you cut your hair?" The look in his eyes could be described as sheer terror_

_"I-I…" he tried to stutter. A backhanded slap across the face silenced him, before Cassandra hissed into his ear._

_"After all…your long hair really did look so…pretty…is that why you cut it off?" Jizabel managed to shake his head 'no'. Another mouth bruising kiss before he started to undo the buttons on the doctor's shirt, running his hands down the scars on Jizabel's back. The doctor reminded himself that he needed to do this._

_"You could die if you don't get more." Those were his words, and the young doctor knew all too well what addiction could do to someone. It was no use resisting. Cassandra ran his hands down Jizabel's body…and then the nightmare started._

_Why? Why couldn't he shut out the world like he was so used to doing before he met Cassandra. When his father "punished" him he had no problem with closing his eyes and willingly numbing himself. Now…when Cassandra did this…he felt __**everything**__. _

_He felt those cold hands slipping under his clothes, hips grinding into his, the saliva on his lips and neck. He winced as Cassandra started to remove his pants. Neither of them had __**any**__ dignity left, only Jizabel hadn't done anything to want __**this**__._

_"This is what you get for running away…how could you think that someone like you could escape so easily?" some voice in the back of his head whispered into his ear. "Why would anyone want to save you? Cassandra said it…and so did you father; you're disgusting."_

_There was a sharp pain. He made a small noise in surprise, but the other man didn't hear, he was far too "entertained" to notice any sign of detest from Jizabel. _

_"You let him do this to you. Just so you can get some more of that drug. You really are disgusting." _

_Another cry as Cassandra suddenly thrust into him without warning. Jizabel gripped the sheets until his knuckles turned white. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the feel of Cassandra's breath on his neck._

_"but Cassian…he came back for me…" he argued with that inner voice. "He…cared…"_

"_Yes, and you left him, to come back to this. You deserve this." Jizabel couldn't hold back another scream. Cassandra clamped a hand over his mouth. He couldn't breathe. Jizabel tried to shut his eyes, praying that this would finally end. Of course, he did not want to die in such a matter, suffocated by the one person he could not stand, but at the same time he was ready to give up._

_His body sank into the mattress as the other man held him in place, one hand over Jizabel's mouth, the roughly exploring the scars on his back and the rest of his body.. Jizabel closed his eyes, and the nightmarish visions of being literally pulled into hell by his father returned to him._

_Anything. Anything was better than this. He'd rather focus on the nightmare that he'd had on the night that Cassian had rescued him than to think about what was going on at the moment. Again, anything was better than feeling Cassandra's body against his, hearing his ragged breath, smelling tobacco, alcohol, and sweat among other things. _

_"I'm ready to die now…" he thought as Cassandra thrust into him another time. Again, and again. The pain was unbearable, he bit his lip to keep from screaming. The small comfort was that this couldn't last forever. Jizabel's vision began to spin as he fell further into the nightmare. "I'm really ready…" this time, in his mind, he saw himself being pulled down into the darkness but no one was there to help him. No one until…_

_"Jizabel…" the voice was so soft that he barely heard it. "Hold on…" his eyes snapped open. Cassandra's hand still covered his mouth, and he realised who's voice it was._

_"Cassian…" he thought, suddenly starving for air once more, realising that he was still alive. _

_"What the hell!?" Cassandra spat as the younger man bit down on his fingers, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to get his attention. The other man quickly pulled out of him._

_Just wait… there's only one, one life, then it's none.  
I see gallows built in your name.  
Strangling you while you breathe to pray.  
You'd rather live and serve._

_What Jizabel felt next was worse than the pain he'd been trapped in moments ago. A back handed smack across the face, followed by being yanked up by his hair again. Jizabel tasted blood on his lips, and glared at Cassandra with hatred. Clearly, he knew the look. A brief spark of rebellion and hope flashed in the young doctor's eyes. Another smack, this time Jizabel fell to the floor. That hope was extinguished quickly. His vision spun, the sudden rush of oxygen combined with the pain he felt was too much. Things turned black for a few moments, and when he opened his eyes again, Cassandra was standing above him, adjusting his clothes. Jizabel felt blood slipping down his legs once more._

_He smiled, reaching a hand to "help" the other man up. Jizabel foolishly took it, barely aware of what was going on. Once he was somewhat steadied, a sheet wrapped around his now trembling body, Cassandra took another look at him. _

_"Oh…I know what you want…filthy." He muttered the last word under his breath. "Maybe," he began with a sickening grin. "If you learn to behave yourself next time I'll give you some…" His laugh was nothing short of evil. Jizabel shot him another look of pure hatred. Mistake. _

_Again, he was sent flying to the ground, this time striking his head on the bed post. The door slammed as Cassandra walked out of the room, leaving Jizabel to bleed on the floor, completely alone. _

The young doctor sat on the edge of the mattress, a thin sheet still wrapped around his trembling body.

The small comfort that he'd had, that dream that Cassian had rescued him was the only thing that kept him holding on. Blood was matted into his ash blond hair, and dried onto the backs of his legs. At least he could get cleaned up this time.

Jizabel sighed, getting up for a moment. That wasn't the best idea, for just as soon as he'd gotten to his feet, he collapsed again, falling into the pillow.

Helpless. He felt so helpless. He was chained to Cassandra and as long as he was addicted he needed that man. His father sold him out and Cassian…

Jizabel curled up into himself and began to shake, because he realised that the window of freedom he might have had was now closed, and Cassian was never coming back for him…

_Die and "be saved"...there's so much you deserve.  
You deserve to be...buried deep, to forever sleep._

…

_I'd rather serve in hell, than reign in heaven_

______________________________________________

I now know what everyone means when they say that yaoi is hard to write. I feel so dirty and it wasn't even that bad. It was probably terrible…Ugh…had to be written. So Cassandra's all like "have sex with meh to get teh drugs." Ew…that guy makes me mad…even though in the actual story he was never that bad. But he was a creeper…ok who am I kidding, yeah he was that bad.

I'm going to go to sleep now…

MAYBE CASSIAN WILL BE IN MY DREAMS TOO *floats away in happiness* I love him. Adorable! X3


	9. Memories Defeat Us

A/N- So I'm not sure if they actually had showers back in the day, but Cain was taking a shower at the beginning of book 3 so for all intensive purposes, we are going to say that they did have them back then. Also, it's quite hard for me to write between two stories. The newer one I have up the doctor is all evil and this one he's all innocent. Very odd. And of course the obligatory lyrics: "Early Sunsets Over Monroeville" fitting for Cassian to Jizabel, or Jizabel's thoughts.

_Running away and hiding with you  
I never thought they'd get me here  
Not knowing you changed from just one bite  
I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight  
_

Sunlight shot into the room through a crack in the curtains. Jizabel stirred in his sleep before reluctantly opening his eyes. It was a painful reminder that he was still alive. He made a noise between a yawn and a groan, sat up briefly, scanned the room, and fell face first into the pillows again. He didn't know what time it was and quite frankly, he did not _want _to know.

Footsteps approached the doorway, and he quickly pretended to be asleep, leaving his eyes open just a crack. A maid. It was only a maid. She stood there a moment, noticed that he was sleeping, and quietly stepped into the room.

She was pretty, with long, auburn coloured hair. Jizabel wondered why a girl like her worked for a monster like Cassandra. Her eyes were a beautiful dark green, he noted as she lay out some clothes on a trunk at the foot of the bed. And her skin was white as snow.

_She'd be even prettier covered in blood. _He thought to himself, and pulled the covers over his head. Even in a disoriented state, he still thought of blood. The maid's footsteps echoed as she left him alone.

Wasn't she surprised by the blood on the floor and on the sheets? No, he figured not. Not as long as Cassandra paid her to keep her mouth shut. He scowled, getting out of bed. Just the fact that something like _money_ was enough to make everyone blind angered him. It was not as though _no one _was noticing the odd number of boys that man had been taking it…or used to. After all, Jizabel was much more entertaining it seemed than any of the countless orphans and prostitutes that had once been at the estate. And it wasn't as though they had not noticed the decline in the young doctor's health, or the slight limp he had when he walked, or the fact that he would stumble out of Cassandra's bedroom almost nightly, covered in blood. He was sure that they more than "noticed" him, and the fact that not one person was willing to help him only angered him more. _That's how humans are_. _Self motivated…creatures…_

_But does anyone notice?  
But does anyone care?  
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...  
But would anything matter if you're already dead?  
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?  
Before I pull this trigger,  
Your eyes vacant and stained...  
__He got out of bed, head still spinning enough so that he had to sit back down, and_ reattempt the task. Eventually he slipped on a robe, and walked down to the bathroom, ignoring the pain in every step that he took.

The hot water running down his back was both agonizing and welcoming at the same time. For a long while he simply stood there, allowing the water to rinse off his scars, and the dried blood on the side of his head. His thoughts of anger returned to him as he brushed a hand through his now wet hair, touching the spot that he'd hit when Cassandra threw him to the ground.

_But does anyone notice?  
But does anyone care?  
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...  
And would anything matter if you're already dead?  
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said?_

In the back of his mind, he always knew that people were disgusting. Cassandra for doing _this _to him. Taking away every scrap of pride he had, and leaving him as a broken puppet. Alexis for allowing this to happen to his own son. All the nurses and doctors at the hospital who didn't have the courage to speak out, or speak up. Jizabel was perhaps the worst of all. If he had any courage whatsoever he would have refused Cassandra, pushed him away, screamed, kill him, anything! But he did not do any of that, instead he'd fallen prey to the other man and his sick obsession with drugs and control. There was really no one else to blame for the situation he was in, but himself. True, he'd had a few instances of rebellion, and where did that land him? Either back in the hospital, or back into Cassandra's clutches where a worse encounter than the last seemed to occur.

Jizabel slid down the side of the bathtub, and buried his face in his hands in deep thought. He was a _doctor_. Then why wasn't he able to gather his thoughts? Nothing came to his mind but sick images and memories. He shook his head, and winced, touching the cut again. It probably needed some form of treatment, but he was not in the mood to make an appearance anywhere else in the house besides his "own" bedroom. What time was it now anyway? Was it still the same day even? He bit his lip, trying to think.

After a while, he was able to at least conclude that it must be somewhere around evening, and the light that had poured into the room that "morning" was actually the sun setting. Right about now Cassandra would be looking for him he figured, so he stayed put, still letting the now cold water run down his body. The last of the blood washed down the drain in a pink, almost orange colour.

_Before I pull this trigger,  
Your eyes vacant and stained...  
And in saying you loved me,  
Made things harder at best,  
And these words changing nothing  
As your body remains,  
And there's no room in this hell,  
There's no room in the next,  
And our __memories__ defeat us,  
And I'll end this direst.  
_

It was well into the night when Jizabel finally gathered up the courage to go back to his room. He closed his eyes for a moment, hand hesitating on the doorknob, expecting the worst, slowly turning it and- Nothing. The room was empty. The bed had been remade and pajamas set out on the trunk, he figured from earlier. A sigh of relief fell from his lips and for once the scene looked welcoming. After all, he was clean now…at least on the outside, and for the time being that was enough. He no longer had to feel dried blood on his legs, as taste that man's saliva in his mouth. A physical comfort at the least.

Slowly, he crawled under the sheets, resting his head on the pillow. Eyelids slid open and closed as the minutes ticked by, soon turning into hours. Thoughts kept flooding his mind like a river. Cassandra finding him now, the possibility that his father would suddenly put an end to all this. That thought almost made him laugh bitterly. Alexis was _never_ going to "save" him. More memories and sick words that Cassandra had said to him. Jizabel shut his eyes tighter, as though that would make everything go away. _Filthy. Disgusting. Dirty. Whore. _All those words were etched in his mind permanently. Soon he began to see Cassandra inside his head, defiling him, smiling as he did it.

Jizabel needed a distraction. His eyes shot open, and he frantically searched the room. Something, anything to stop those thoughts. He grabbed his hair in his hands, and pulled. Blood from the healing wound began to drip again. Pain. Yes, pain was the answer. He willed his breathing to slow, and eventually rested his hands at his sides. Blood. That was the only thing that comforted him. He smiled, and fell back to the pillow, staining the sheets in crimson again.

_But does anyone notice?  
But does anyone care?  
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...  
But does anything matter if you're already dead?  
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?  
Before I pull this trigger,  
Your eyes vacant and stained..._

X X X

Cassian took a shaky breath, and stared at the wrought iron gate in front of him. There was only one way into the Gladstone estate, and one way out. He sighed, frustrated. It was too high to climb, and ran the perimeter of the grounds. It was difficult to know that he had finally come this far only to fail. He shut his eyes, and thought about the young doctor, so frail in his arms…and still…so beautiful. How was that even possible? Beautifully broken? Cassian shook his head, and opened his eyes again, leaving the front gate…

X X X

The amount of sleep that Jizabel had gotten was brief and unpleasant. That all familiar clock down the hall rang in midnight when he finally got out of bed. Thunder rumbled outside of the window, and something inside of him said that Cassandra would not go looking for him.

Again, his hand hesitated on the doorknob. His mind was working unclouded for the time, and he was going to take advantage of it. Footsteps seemed twice as loud at night as he descended the steps, and finally reached one of the back doors that lead to the garden outside. Once outside, he took a moment simply to breathe in the fresh air. After all, he did not know when he'd get to feel the cool breeze against his skin again, or when he would be able to look out at the stars.

A wave of fear passed over him as he walked down the path that passed by some exotic plants. What if Cassandra found out that he was out? _Well he never said that you couldn't go outside, you know._ An inner voice told him.

After a while, he came to a bench among some trees near the gate. He could he the distant noise of insects chirping, and he smiled peacefully taking in the entire scene. Somewhere in his mind he wondered why he wasn't craving the drug at the moment, but he'd forced those thoughts to the back of his mind, determined to just be _normal _for a moment.

"Normal" was a relative turn. He hadn't ever been normal. He was a cold blooded killer, a scientist with no room for feeling, someone who hated humanity. There was an emphasis on the word "was". All of those things he _was_ he reminded himself. What he had become was a scared, helpless animal.

His eyes slipped closed again and he took a deep breath. For once in a long time, he recalled happier days spent in the forest, when his father's arms were welcoming. Days when the only thing he had to worry about was going to bed on time, or risking a scolding from his mother. Back when the world was beautiful and full of joy.

He lay down on the bench, robe clinging loosely to his body. A breeze stirred the air, bringing with it the scent of nature. Even if the garden wasn't really meant to be in the city, it was still nature. The only thing missing were the animals that he loved so dear.

Peace filled his senses and he began to feel sleep descend. He had almost drifted off when there was a rustling from the trees. Raindrops began to fall, softly landing on his closed eyes. Jizabel sat up, not moving as a few drops turned into sheets of water. He shivered, and thunder rumbled, closer now. A bolt of lightning lit up the sky, but still he sat there, watching the rain fall down.


	10. And I Wouldn't Have You Anywhere Else

This continues right where the last chapter left off. I updated two chapters in the same day, aren't you happy? Ah yes, that other chapter was just getting too long. And this one is a HAPPY CHAPTER! Lots of fluff and "male bonding" the good kind…and no I did not say "male bondage" you weirdos. Get yer head outta the gutter! Lyrics today are brought to you by Anberlin. "Heavier Things Remain"

_A hallow hallelujah hangs in the corner  
With the rest of our dissolving years  
You're the storm and the cold  
The dove and the bone  
The ghost that relieves all my fears  
The life is spent from cold  
As years and sheets unfold  
We'll be able to sleep all alone_

Once again, he closed his eyes, this time lying on his back to look up at the angry sky. Once again, the trees ruffled, only this time it wasn't from the rain. Jizabel sat up quickly, the worst possible situations running through his mind. It wasn't as though it would be Cassandra dropping down from the trees, even in panic Jizabel knew that. Ida, perhaps? Or the White Owl…he did have a habit of appearing out of nowhere. Maybe it was just a stray cat? No…no living thing would be foolish enough to come to that house. Jizabel got up, and began to walk away, when there was a loud 'thud' that sounded like feet hitting the ground. There went the White Owl theory. The Fool was nimble on his feet and would never make that much noise. Ida, it had to be the Moon card, there to check up on him and report back to Alexis. He walked faster, and heard the footsteps approaching more rapidly behind him. He gasped, almost turning to a full out run until his knees buckled under him and he crumbled to the ground. Those footsteps approached more urgently. Jizabel was finding it hard to believe that he had almost fallen asleep a few minutes prior, almost forgotten everything for the time being, he was almost happy…

_The weight of the world is on top of me  
And I wouldn't have you anywhere else  
(Weight of the world...)  
The weight of the world is on top of me  
And I want you here all to myself_

Silence. The only noise was the rain falling and thunder, Jizabel opened his eyes, and looked up from the spot he had collapsed on the ground.

"Doctor?" that voice was so gentle, so…warm. He knew instantly who is was.

"Cassian?" he managed to whisper, and did a double take. Was this a dream again? He did not think that he could handle his assistant invading his dreams one more time. He brought a hand to the cut on his head to test reality. There was pain, so he was not asleep…at least he was not only dreaming this. Jizabel winced, fingers covered in blood again. Those small footsteps approached again, and a shadow covered the light of the moon. A warm sensation swept through him as Cassian covered Jizabel's hand in his own two smaller ones, bringing it away from the healing wound.

The older man nodded, and Jizabel's eyes cast downward.

"Why won't you look at me, doctor?" he said after a moment or two of silence. Jizabel's breath was shallow.

"…you're not really here…you never are." Cassian's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"You're there in my dreams…but never when I wake up, Cassian. This can't be real." His assistant shook his head as tears began to roll down the doctor's face. "You're never there." The doctor began to shake from the cold, and Cassian knelt next to him, gently keeping hold of his hands that trembled mercilessly.

"I'm here now…just…shh…" he whispered softly. Jizabel choked back tears. He really was beautifully broken. "I'm not leaving you anymore…doctor…" Jizabel finally brought his eyes up to Cassian's, expecting him to disappear. He didn't. His hand brushed against Cassian's cheeks, as though to test that he was indeed real. The other man's skin was soft beneath his fingertips. He'd almost forgotten that another human being could hold that warmth. Jizabel forgot about everything that he'd been thinking about earlier.

_You're the cure and the disease  
The vice I still need  
The cast and the break in my bones  
You're the life that's worth living  
The hurt and forgiving  
You're Jesus to the demons you've put in my head_

"…you came back…" Cassian nodded, cupping the younger man's chin in his hands. He'd forgotten gentleness.

"I know."

"but why?"

"Because you _needed _me to." Jizabel smiled, and let out a small, chocked, sob. No matter how badly he wanted to just leave, he knew that he couldn't. And Cassian could not stay. Lightning lit up the sky, and Cassian truly looked at the person in front of him again. It was hard to believe that he was a cold hearted killer…because he wasn't. Not right now. Right now, he was a scared child that had nothing to believe in anymore.

"We have to leave here, doctor."

"…I can't and you know it!" he said, startling loud. "I need to stay here…"

"No you don't! You have to escape!"

"I-I can't!" he began to cry again. "I just…can't! Cassandra…he'll…and my father!" more quiet.

"…what did…what has he done to you, doctor?" Jizabel shook his head over and over again 'no'.

"no. no. no."

"You can tell me, doctor."

"Stop pretending like you don't know, Cassian! You already saw!" Cassian clenched his teeth in anger.

"Just keep quiet…calm down…just calm down, Jizabel." Could his name really be said that softly? He hadn't heard his real name ever spoken by anyone but Cassandra in a long while. What happened next, Jizabel had not expected.

In a few almost blinded seconds, Cassian pulled the younger towards him, wrapping his arms around Jizabel's frail body. The doctor's heartbeat was out of control, and he was sure it was almost as loud as the thunder that had just sounded. Jizabel held onto the other man's shoulder, and moved closer.

Both of them were soaked from head to toe, both shaking from cold. Everything seemed trivial now, though.

"Afraid of the storm…?" Cassian finally whispered into his ear. Jizabel shivered from the closeness of the words. Only Cassandra had ever whispered to him like that…but with Cassandra it was always some game, some new way to torture Jizabel. Cassian's voice held no intent of that. The doctor shook his head, and replied,

"That's not it."

"What's wrong then?"

"I'm just…trying to take in that this is all real…" his grip around the younger man's waist tightened, as though letting go meant letting him disappear again.

Cassian did not pretend to understand the situation because simply, he did not understand it in the least.

"Alright…" more thunder followed by more silence. A flash of fear captured Cassian. What is Cassandra, or a maid or someone saw them right now? Surely it meant death for Cassian…and worse for Jizabel. Those thoughts were short lived however as the person in his arms lay his head on Cassian's chest and closed his eyes.


	11. Everything

_A/N: Wow aren't I just going on an update frenzy? Perhaps this will inspire updates of other stories. Hahaha I'm joking. Anyway ,it's been a while to say the least, so sorry for the delay, here's the next chapter:_

_**Again listen to this song "Everything" by lifehouse**_

_Find me here, speak to me_

_I want to feel you I need to hear you_

_You are the light that's leading me_

_To the place where I find peace again_

_You are the strength that keeps me walking_

_You are the hope that keeps me trusting…_

A thousand scenarios of simply taking the young man who lay asleep in his arms away from that place flooded Cassian's mind. If he could only make him see, if he could only change his mind, if only he could save him.

_People can't be saved_

It was selfish to think that way. Selfish to believe that someone who has lived their life in so much pain could all of a sudden see the light. It was not as though Cassian was the escape from darkness, either. He'd killed people before, wished terrible things upon people he hadn't even known. He couldn't fool himself anymore than he could fool Jizabel. The doctor, an adult with the mind of child, and Cassian, vice versa...yes, it was foolish to think that he was any better for Jizabel than the cardmaster was.

Yet, he knew one thing. Alexis didn't give a damn about his son, and Cassian did. In his mind, that was justification enough to stay by the doctor's side. As long as he lived, he _would _prove to that man that he cared for him…that he _loved _him.

Jizabel's breathing was steady, although his body trembled. Cassian pulled him closer against his chest, brushing the wet hair from his face.

_He's so beautiful when's he's not covered in blood…_

"Cassian?" he whispered, voice almost drowned out by the storm. "You're shaking…" Cassian smiled a bit, realising that he was freezing. He'd barely noticed his own trembling as he held his superior close.

"I'm alright."

"Okay…" he stirred a bit, nuzzling against the older man's chest. "Can…can we just stay like this for a little…while…longer…?" the question faded back into the steady breathing of sleep.

"Forever is fine by me, Jizabel…"

_You are the life to my soul_

_Your are my purpose you are everything_

_How can I stand here with you_

_And not be moved by you?_

_Would you tell me how it could be_

_Any better than this?_

A flash of lightning illuminated the sky and the rain began to settle, leaving only a few low rumbles of thunder in the distance. A clock from down the street rang in the hour. Three in the morning, a few hours until day break. Cassian's heart sank as he looked at the man curled asleep in his arms. He didn't wish to think about the very real possibility that this could be the last time he would ever see Jizabel…alive, at least. A shudder swept through him, and he pulled him closer.

The young doctor's lips were slightly parted, breathing smoothly. Again, Cassian brushed hair away from his eyes which were lightly closed. Fingers pulled tighter around the fabric of Cassian's shirt and the younger man's eyebrows furrowed.

"…No…please…just, no…" normally Cassian would have woken him up seeing him in the middle of the nightmare, but this time he was curious. "father…why?...Please h-help…father…Cassandra he…please…help…" he took gasping breath, eyes snapping open. He sat up, desperately scanning his surroundings. Cassian held him closer, gently speaking,

"Jizabel…shh…it's ok, it was just a nightmare…" the doctor looked at him, confused.

"Cassian, what are you doing here?"

"Doctor…don't you remember…A few hours ago I found you…do you really not recall." Jizabel stood quickly, stepping in a newly formed puddle of water.

"Why are my clothes wet?"

"It was raining…you fell asleep out here." Jizabel shook his head, pacing the walk way in the huge garden. "What are you doing here?" It was as though he had dual personalities. One, scared confused child, and two, scared, confuse, and angry on the surface child.

Cassian tried to say in his calmest voice,

"Because you needed me to, Jizabel."

"Don't use my name!"

"But J-…doctor…I don't understand…" the doctor paused, staring at the ground.

"You should leave, Cassian…If they find you you'll be dead…" Cassian shook his head, approaching the other man. He softly lay a hand on his shoulder, feeling like his heart would burst.

"Doctor…did you really forget what happened only a few hours ago?" The hand was violently batted away. The sky was slowly growing lighter in the distance, and Cassian knew that this was his one chance to say something.

"Jizabel, listen to me!" he stated loudly. That got his attention. Jizabel whirled around, only to be caught by two small arms wrapping around his neck. Cassian, who was crying by now, having lost everything that he wanted within a few short hours whispered into his ear,

"Doctor…if you really want me to go I will…but…but…you're going to die if you stay here," Jizabel's eyes widened and the hands clung desperately to the back of his robe. "if the drugs don't kill you…something else will, I just…I just know it…" he sobbed, taking a few gasping breaths before speaking again. "You need to escape, Jizabel…" the doctor found himself wrapping his arms around his assistant, and tears fell from his own eyes. "Because…I…I love you…"

_You calm the storms you give me rest_

_You hold me in your hands you won't let me fall_

_You still my heart and you take my breath away_

…

'_Cause you're all I want_

_you're all I need_

_you're everything_

_everything_


	12. Is There a Hero Somewhere?

Author's Note: So it's been a while, huh? *Checks calendar* Whoa…quite a while indeed! Anyway, here's the next chapter of "Can You Hear Me Now?" enjoy, and hopefully this chapter makes up for the fact that I haven't updated anything in a long time. Lyrics are from "Locking Up the Sun" by Poets of the Fall 3 They are love~

_Is there a hero somewhere? Someone who appears and saves the day?_

_Someone who holds out a hand and turns back time?_

_Is there a hero somewhere, someone who will never walk away?_

_Who doesn't turn a blind eye to a crime?_

Waking up in unfamiliar surroundings was becoming routine for Jizabel. Rays of the morning sun peeked in from under thick, black curtains. The fabric was blocking out all other light, bathing the room in shadows. Jizabel closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again, as if to be sure that he was truly awake this time. He was. He yawned, falling back against the mattress. Everything was silent; peaceful even. It took a moment for him to realise that this was not his room…so where was he?

A few seconds of adjusting to the light Jizabel confirmed that this was, indeed, not his room. He propped himself up on one elbow, feeling for his glasses with his other hand. Without them on, he could make out that the room, although blurry in his vision, was fairly plain. There were no extravagant furnishings, or even paintings on the wall. He looked over to the side of the bed. Wherever he was, he suspected that it was not at Cassandra's estate. He found his glasses lying on the nightstand to his left, next to a half empty glass of water. For now, he was safe, Jizabel concluded after a few moments of listening for that man's eloquently cruel voice, or any other sign that someone else was near. Blackness closed in around him once more, but this time it was the blackness of voluntary, peaceful sleep.

"…_because I love you…"_

A sharp, sudden pain made his eyes snap open. Jizabel sat up in the bed with a gasp, eyes instantly falling to the needle that had just been taken out of his arm. No doubt that if there was a needle, there had to have been someone holding it. Reluctantly, he lifted his gaze to the person standing beside him.

"Well, that's one way to wake up now isn't it?" Dr. Zenopia chuckled dryly. Jizabel relaxed a bit, seeing that it was only the old doctor. He was the only person at DELILAH whom Jizabel could talk to without being annoyed. At least, he had been. How long he'd been away from the organisation he did not know, or care to find out for that matter. He tried to speak, but he could not make a sound. It felt as though he'd swallowed sandpaper.

"Here, try to drink something." The older man said, motioning to the glass of water beside him. Jizabel nodded as Dr. Zenopia held the glass to his lips. For some reason he was reminded of Cassian. Jizabel coughed a bit, wiping water from the corner of his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

"Where am I?" he managed to ask, voice quite clear now. Zenopia smiled grimly, and Jizabel already knew the answer.

"I'm afraid that you're at the Head Priest's manor still." he said solemnly. Jizabel shook his head, wanting nothing more at that moment than to disappear.

"What…What happened to me…last night I-,"

"You were found unconscious at the door this morning. A maid brought you inside…apparently you came to enough to walk here. It's a room in the servant's quarters." a spark of hope flashed in his mind. He may have been at the manor still, but Cassandra would never dream of going to the servant's quarters unless he absolutely had to. "I was called to look after you because…well, let's face it, the doctor's at DELILAH are better than any other doctor in London." he laughed a little, trying hard to add light to the situation. "By the way what I just gave you was a mild sedative… you've been thrashing about in your sleep." There must've been a panicked look on the younger man's face because soon after Zenopia added,

"Don't worry, it won't put you back to sleep." Jizabel let out the breath he'd been holding, relieved. He fell back to the pillows, still feeling a slight sting in his arm.

"Is Cassan- is the Head Priest here?" Jizabel asked. Again, a grim look passed over the other man's face. Jizabel did not need to be told twice what the answer was.

"Yes…" he said sadly. "I'm sorry…but we've been instructed to call on him once you were awake." Jizabel's eyes went wide. How could Dr. Zenopia side with that- that- monster? No! He wouldn't… would he? How _could _he? Zenopia had seen what that man had done to him, he knew about the drugs that had been forced down his throat, and he knew that the same thing, if not worse, would happen if he was turned over to Cassandra once more.

"Surely you're not going to, though?" He blurted out before he could stop himself. Dr. Zenopia turned around from the stack of papers he'd been leafing through.

"Jizabel…I'm sorry, I really am-" he took a half step towards the bed, hand outstretched until it reached the younger man's now trembling shoulder. "I-," the words seemed to die on his tongue, and the only thing he could say was, "I truly _am _sorry…but you know how Head Priest Cassandra can be."

Of _course _Jizabel knew "how Head Priest Cassandra can be". He knew better than _any _other member of DELILAH how that man could be. Regardless, Zenopia turned his back, and walked towards the door again.

"Don't go!" He found himself begging. Zenopia shook his head without looking back, and whispered,

"I'm sorry. The Cardmaster's word is law here, Jizabel."

"But- I mean…you've seen what he's done to me, you _have _to know. Doctor, you can't leave me here!" Begging was not something that Jizabel was known to do, but he was at the brink of insanity. One more night in that man's clutches and he knew it would be too late.

"I do know. _That's _why I'm apologising. I'm sorry that we could not have stopped this, and I'm sorry that you must return to him…but no matter how much sorrow I feel I can't go against what your father had ordered, and what he had ordered is that you return to Cassandra as soon as you are awake." Jizabel shook his head, hearing the words, but not believing them. Of course he knew all along how his father was, and that he didn't give a damn about his eldest son…but to hear from another person that _he _had been the one ordering that he go back to Cassandra once he was awake…it was too much to comprehend.

His eyes fluttered shut, mind unable to handle all that had transpired in the few minutes that had been awake. Jizabel tried to stop the blackness that was closing in, sure that when he opened his eyes again Cassandra would be there, waiting. However, he couldn't stop himself from slipping into unconsciousness, but before everything had faded into nothingness he heard Dr. Zenopia say,

"I truly am sorry, Jizabel."

Author's Note #2-  
For those of you who are like "what the heck happened between the last chapter and this one" I just want to let you know that the bridge between chapters 11 and 12 will be explained in the next chapter. I plan to have it posted soon, and I promise that Cassian and Jizabel finally reuniting in the last chapter was NOT a dream this time. There's a small amount of comfort =P


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